這是這次作文被改出來的結果

想花點時間再好好的檢討一下下，不要太急去馬上寫下一篇

這次我稍微改了一下以往往常的慣例，嘗試用自己學過的句子去寫。

題目

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People today spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doing things they like to do-rather than doing things they should do.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Some people believe that people spend too much time on personal enjoyment-doings they to do- rather than doing things they should do. However, I disagree with this statement because of the following reasons: reducing the stress, having more concentration and good for physics and mentality.

Generally, the stress is full of human’s life in modern sociality. However, personal activity can definitely eliminate the stress. For example, psychologists show that while people enjoy their personal time, their brain will release material to help us becoming pleasure. As for me, I feel happy and relax when I enjoy the drawing time. These phenomenons point out people should spent time on enjoyment to relax. People obtain the advantage of reducing stress in this urgent sociality.

In addition, personal enjoyment enables people to enhance the concentration. There is no denying that the time of personal activity can improve the concentration. Take studying time for explanation, how to take good use of time for preparing exam is the annoying problem for every student. No one will distribute whole day in addition sleeping time to prepare exam. On the other words, scheduling leisure time of personal enjoyment can improve the concentration toward preparing exam. Last time preparing the TOEFL exam, I specially plan the walking time between the study periods. Due to the relaxing time, I become more energetic and gain knowledge quickly.

From my point of view, personal enjoyment is not only good for mentality but alsokeep people healthy. For instance, by doing sports in leisure time, people can improve the physics and health to defeat any troubles. Thanks to the habit of walking, my legs are more powerful than other people.which helps me to overcome any severe circumstance like long walk, long stand…etc. Sports also bring me more energy and courage for facing life. Finally, I believe that the personal enjoyment is definitely needed in modern time.

To sum up, because of the following reasons: reducing the stress, improve concentration and good for physics and mentality. I consider that people should spend more time on personal enjoyment-doings than doing things they should do.

經過中間TPO4跟TPO5的觀念上跟邏輯上的改良，我已經慢慢發現，我的作文從原本250不到進步到350個字。

這樣的字數我覺得在托福考試中是剛剛好的。

也就是說，在概念與邏輯上的改良後，我大概可以知道要怎麼去寫一篇寫作，既可以符合字數又可以清楚表達我的觀點，符合所有英文的邏輯。

雖然看起來進步很多，至少比一開始寫還知道怎麼去寫作，那接下來我可能會慢慢注重於基礎文法跟寫作時間，畢竟托福可沒有這麼多時間讓我一個字一個字去刁鑽！！